Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
