I'm eating all of the evidence.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
