I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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