if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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