before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
