remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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