He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
