Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
