it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
