Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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