We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize