oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
