I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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