I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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