If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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