the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
