Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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