Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He literally asked permission to hit on me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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