she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
