Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
