her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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