Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize