dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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