is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
