Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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