I'm really into asian looking animals
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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