They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
