it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We have started to decorate penises.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
