i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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