On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
