what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You're like the curious george of whores
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
