last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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