Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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