Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
