just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
