this beer tastes like vomit already
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
