I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
