OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
