That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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