Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
