yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
