Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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