Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
