he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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