Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
