is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
