You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
