Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
