I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
