we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Randomize
