You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
