Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, beer. Big fan.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
