Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
