Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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