im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
