Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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