i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
