I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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