Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
