some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh god it's open bar.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
