a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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