Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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