my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is Oprah even human
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
