So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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