i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do herpes really smell.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
