U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Shame - the story of my life.
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