The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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