the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
