you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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