yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
