There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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