There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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